


Tom, You’ve Got Mail! :)

by Sonic The Hedgehog (trx)



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (2020), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Feels, Fluff, Funny, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23165503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trx/pseuds/Sonic%20The%20Hedgehog
Summary: Crack Fic / ComedyTom says that he and Sonic are still not best friends yet, and that Speed is getting rather boring to rewatch.All of Sonic’s other friends sent Tom hilarious hate mail for making the Blue Blur curl up into a sad little ball.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 103





	Tom, You’ve Got Mail! :)

**Title:** (no title)

 **From:** prettyinpink (at) emeraldhills.zone

Dear Donut Man,

I was hearing from Knuckles that you and Sonic were on another road trip shortly after he had moved in with you. Earlier today, a curled up blue hedgehog rolled through my door at the beach house and has been hiding in a corner ever since, crying silently.

I think he said something about you telling him he’s still not your best friend yet. And something about “Fast” or “Speed” getting boring to watch? How could you say that about his speed! It’s a magnificent ability.

I was going to send you and Prezel Woman a cake I made but I fed it to Sonic instead who ended up overeating it in sorrow.

Please grow some sensibility, and a pair, as you humans say. Not sure what pair that is but you probably know the phrase.

Sincerely

Amy Rose <3

* * *

**Title:** Re.: Help!

 **From:** prezelmom (at) GHanimalclinic.com

Sorry Tom, I won’t help you out of that pickle.

And don’t think I’m not sitting here laughing my butt off at these emails C: C: C:

* * *

**Title:** Holy Shit

 **From:** fortknux (at) mobianheroes.org

I was ruining another punching bag for my daily workout when I heard the news you managed to reduce my _sidekick_ to a heap of tears!

I deeply respect your skills because no one has yet succeeded in beating my sidekick in such a complete and utterly destructive manner. Make sure Robotnik does not get wind of this power.

Unfortunately for you, I know Earthlings have no powers so you must have used a chaos emerald. Which. I. Happen. To. Protect.

I strongly encourage you not to offer any resistance when I bash in your door. At best, place the emerald in an easily retrievable position to minimize the destruction of your hideout.

Fistbumps,

Knuckles

* * *

**Title:** Thank you, Tom!

 **From:** foxocopter (at) greasefoxey.net

Tom,

I was not pleased to hear that you rejected Sonic as your best friend when you were being chased by Robotnik, but doing it again now that he has moved in with you? What a hideous thing to say to such a sweet, loving, and lonely person!

Also, don’t you know that Speed is Sonic’s favorite movie? He likes Keanu Grieves very much.

He jumped in front of a drone to save your sorry butt, and he almost got blown up to get a sticky bomb off your hand. But he was never hurting as much back then as he is right now.

Me and Amy were there to comfort him and I had one of my tails wrapped around his curled up form all night yesterday.

So, I really want to thank you very much for pushing him right into my waiting arms :)

Because he thinks I’m his best friend now :)

You’ve been had.

So long!

Tails

* * *

**Title:** BLAST YOU!

 **From:** Shdow_42351 (at) smokinghot.gun

YOU FRACKING FFFFCK WHEN IM DONE WITH THE BLASTED BULLCRAP HERE I WILL FIND YOU AND DRIVE A MONSTER TRUCK ALL OVER YOUR GARDEN! THEN I WILL BLOW UP YOUR GARBAGE CANS EVERY DAY UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE TO MY BAE I MEAN SONIC UNTIL HE IS RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINES AGAIN!!!

Kind regards,

Shadow

* * *

**Title:** o_O””!

 **From:** sticks (at) badgerzone.mobi

AhahahahaHAHAHA, I have a boomerang with your name on it!

I told everyone what you did and MAY HAVE EXAGGERATED so have fun with that!

My toaster dog Buster can turn into a giant killer octopus robot that spits smelly green goo. I realllly need a dog sitter right now because of reasons. So, I’ve sent him to you over the weekend!

Make sure Buster is well fed, so feed him some untactful meany like yourself or something.

Happy days,

Sticks the Badger

* * *

**Title:** Terran Dumbassery

 **From:** starfox (at) bomberman.wiz

Donut Dumbass,

You don’t know me but last I checked my blue bestie was looking for a friend on Terra. Told him that was a bad idea because Terrans are even more stupid than Xandarians. Believe me, my not-captain is from Terra and all he does all day is dance to old ass music and talk nonsense.

Sonic was drinking his head off at the Knowhere Scumm Bar with me last night before he finally told me what you’ve said to him.

Prepare for taser weapons to be placed throughout your household.

With sincere asskickings,

Rocket Raccoon

* * *

**Title:** I am Groot

 **From:** groot72543412235 (at) iamgroot.img

I AM GROOOT!!! >:C

I am Groot,

Groot

* * *

**Title:** Why am I smarter than an adult?

 **From:** jojoarmani (at) gottagofast.net

Mom says Maddie should break up with you for making Sonic cry. That’s not likely but I won’t color with you anymore until Christmas :P

\- Jojo

* * *

**Title:** You owe us

 **From:** crocosaurus (at) chaotixagency.com

Greetings,

After what you did, Sonic came to us totally drunk from a space station called Knowhere and ate his way through our entire kitchen.

You owe the Chaotix Detective Agency 12 kilos of chili dog ingredients and 7 liters of ice cream. He also ordered a large amount of Keanu Reeks movies from amazon.galaxy, using our account.

Please see the attached file for an invoice.

Also, STOP BEING AN ASS TO OUR BLUE BOY.

\- Vector the Crocodile

* * *

**Title:** What The Fowl!

 **From:** ObiDobeyKenobi (at) NoHarmNoOwl.com

No more free parenting tips for you!!!

* * *

**Title:** The Badniks and I have reached a conclusion

 **From:** MetalOverMatter (at) eggmail.imp

Human,

Amy Rose saved me from exile last winter. I owe her my continued function.

As the prime Badnik, I am monitoring data transfers in and out of Mobius to plan possible attack vectors against the enemies of Eggman.

I have come to understand Amy Rose’s stress levels have increased recently caused by unknown actions originating from you.

My Badnik underlings and I have reached the consensus that Amy Rose's stress would be normalized if its cause – you – were to be eliminated.

Expect us.


End file.
